Who am I?
- Chana Bilek
- Feb 25
- 4 min read
Three years ago, I asked the question “Who are YOU?”
Three years later, after withdrawing from the public page and stage, I stepped into the spotlight and answered the question:
Who am I?
One question. One person. Multiple answers.
So many names like in my last post:
Hwaseon
Yoon-Hee
Caitlin
Caty
Chana
More than one or two, at most!
And so many labels that describe the “I”:
Korean, American, Daughter, Sister, Wife, Mother…,
At 44 I answered another!
The Unmasked Answer
This answer is not one that I was given, earned, or chose,
It was there all along, waiting to be exposed.
The answer that all now clearly see, is that I am an adoptee.
This is not a label or name, but how I carry humanity’s shame. It is an answer that was imprinted all along, as part of my life’s theme song.
Stepping Into the Light
Two weeks ago, I debuted my first spoken word piece, FALL, in the Artists Circle Showcase at Silver Spring’s Black Box Theater.
A violinist played.
I was instructed to walk onstage without an introduction.
At first, it felt strange.
But I stepped forward and began with the words, “Fall. Where it all starts.”
Near the end of the performance, I realized I was no longer circling the question of introduction: Who am I?
I was answering it.
In the spotlight.
Unapologetically.
An adult adoptee.
The strangeness transformed into clarity.
Raw reclamation.
The Joy of Revealed Truth
It is now the Jewish month of Adar (late February to March). The month when hiddenness gives way to revelation. Judaism teaches that it is in Adar that we can collectively and individually experience true simcha, the joy that comes when concealed truth is revealed.
When I was adopted, the orphanage withheld my birth name and my true birthday.
The details of my beginning were hidden.
Just over four years ago, those truths were uncovered.
Hwaseon. Born February 25. The 2nd of Adar.
This is the first year I have felt real simcha connected to that date.
Not simply because I learned new information.
But because I finally spoke the truth of who I am: an adoptee.
A Soul Reclaimed
The Jewish sages teach, “Mishenichnas Adar marbim b’simcha” — when Adar enters, we increase in joy (Ta’anit 29a). Simcha is the Hebrew word for joy.
Rabbi Reuven Sasson explains simcha comes “From the essence of life itself. For indeed, our very existence itself is the source of simcha.” Perhaps joy can be found in the spaciousness that comes when our essence comes out into the light. Rabbi Sasson goes on to explain: “In Adar, and on Purim, the holy, spiritual essence of our souls—the truest, purest reality of our existence—bursts into clear view and fills our hearts with the remarkable light of simcha.”
This is the experience of gaining clarity to the answer of “Who am I?”
My joy can now occur in this spaciousness that comes from accessing the truth of where my life began, processing what was hidden, and allowing all my answers to coexist.
Not fragmented.
Whole.
I believe and experientially know answers don’t come from open miracles or declarations from G-d. But from the hard work of unmasking the names and labels we ourselves and others answer. Those answers can prevent us from claiming our true identity. One that is already there. Our unique souls.
My Birthday Prayer
After this powerful stage experience, I now look ahead with gratitude.
Thank you, Hashem, new opportunities are unfolding.
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Purim shows us that the deepest joy is not merely outward celebration, but a vitality that arises from revelation.
With the spiritual energy of Adar–my birthday month– I will pray for you, fellow traveler, and for myself:
That we may have the courage to process life while living it.
That we may hold complexity without denying the truth.
That we may claim the identity already woven into our souls.
This Purim, I will thank Hashem for the resilience to answer — and to keep answering — the question: Who am I?
An adoptee.
I am Chana Bilek.
An unmasked soul.
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